The phrase exists to sort women into useful and useless. I know which category they put me in. I’m fine with it.
“Wife material” is a compliment that functions as a threat. It means: you are acceptable. You have successfully performed the correct behaviors. You have suppressed enough of yourself to be considered a worthy acquisition. Congratulations, I guess.
What the Phrase Actually Does
It tells women that their value is conditional. That there is a version of you that is wanted, and that version requires you to be less of something. Less loud, less sexual, less opinionated, less complicated. The “material” in wife material is telling. You are raw goods to be shaped into something useful.
I was told I wasn’t wife material at a church youth group when I was sixteen. I had asked too many questions that week. I didn’t know then what I know now, which is that “not wife material” was actually the beginning of my education. ngl, best thing that ever happened to me.
If the criteria for being wife material require you to be quieter, smaller, less yourself, then not being wife material is just being yourself. That’s not a failure. That’s a starting point.
I’m not wife material. I’m a musician with opinions and a fuzz guitar. I’m doing fine.